I have a mind obsessed with…relief from pain or discomfort of any sort. So, back in the day, I turned to substance, alcohol and of course, food, the great aneasthetizer.
But my crazy mind didn’t stop there – there’s pretty much nothing I can’t obsess about if … need be.
Like men. Do you all remember the movie, Fatal Attraction – when Glenn Close boils the family bunny for revenge when the guy ignores/dumps her? I’ve always worried I’d become a bunny boiler, so much does stalking run through my blood.
I’ve driven by men’s houses, had other friends call them to see if they answer, had other friends drive by their houses. And always, always, I’ve thought the worst. They’re with another woman, they don’t like me anymore, I said/did something wrong and I’ll never here from them and on and on and on….
If a guy doesn’t return a text quickly, that’s it, he’s definetly done with me and, of course, he’s with another woman. If he doesn’t call or text me first, I can’t stand it and reach out to him. Sometimes incessantly. I insist that he tell me how he’s feeling about me, about us, about relationships, about marriage — all on the the first date .
Long and short of it, I probably drive most men crazy. Hmmmmm, why on earth am I single at 54?
So, here I am, beginning to date a man I really like. Already, I’d started stalking him online to see if he were viewing other women on the dating site we met on. That didn’t go well, because he then thought I was viewing other men, and we both got upset.
Happily, I acted like an adult and brought it up to him; and BLESSEDLY, he was cool and we worked it out.
I think it’s time for me to get over my stalking, my obsession – my insecurity. AND it’s time for me to have a man who makes me feel safe!
And, as always, to live life, it’s self; to contribute; to show up; to be kind, patient, tolerant and loving – and, to stay away from bunnies!