Too Thin?

I work with a woman, Lynn, who is very,very thin. At first glance, I assumed she was anorexic. That was just an assumption, and I really don’t know her well enough to gauge. And according to Lynn, she eats quite heartily. Could be.

BUT, I can’t tell you how many women come into the restaurant and drool over Lynn’s tiny, tiny figure.

“What do you eat,” they ask her jealously while listening intently.

“Everything. Lots of junk food,” is her regular response.

“Oh, you’re so lucky”, coo our customers. “If only I could look like you.”

There’s also a young mother at work, Jess, who is desperate to lose the baby weight that’s not coming off. I think her husband is giving her a very hard time about it.

Jess is always querying Lynn – “what do you eat. what do you eat?” I want to tell Jess to stop, because something can’t be right. And instinctively I want her to leave Lynn alone.

Afterall, maybe Lynn IS suffering with anorexia, in which case, she shouldn’t be told her body’s ideal. OR, what if she has a medical issue she doesn’t want to discuss? Or, maybe she’s naturally skinny and would much rather be left alone.

Still, it’s so odd to me that so many women long pretty desperately to be THAT thin – so thin that it looks like you’re sick.

Why is that?

Control Top Pantyhose

I can’t remember the last time I wore pantyhose and certainly can’t remember the last time I bought them. But today I need them, so I can wear a skirt to work at the restaurant.

Off I went to Walmart, assuming I’d find a large (and inexpensive) selection. But guess what? There was not one single pair of stockings that weren’t Control Top, and I DON’T DO CONTROL TOP!

Like my mother before me, I have a belly. Even when I was anorexic and my arms and legs looked like pencils, I still had a pooch. When I put on control tops, I truly can not breathe – there is no circulation happening. I’ve tried, I really have, but I can’t function in them. Although I am a very average sized woman, I’ve even bought Queen Size control tops, but then the stocking themselves bunch and sag.

So, today, I will be wearing pants once again, with knee highs.

Still, let’s look at this concept of controlling our tops – yet one more way of torturing women, if you ask me. (Of course, there are many ways to torture us, from stiletto heels to botox needles. Has anyone ever tried eyebrow threading?!)

But back to our bellies. What’s wrong with them? Why do they need to be controlled? Some people’s are naturally flat (you know who you are, sis 🙂 ), some people work to get them flat, and the rest of us have varying degrees of bulge. So what?

In many way ways, our stomach’s are our most feminine characteristics. They expand to house a human life as it grows! Pretty cool! Highly important!!!

Why not valuable?

(Oh and by the way, my sister – who sports like a 20-pack – says Control Tops give her a stomach ache. Sooo, who the heck can wear them?)

Why Aren’t You Eating?

Working at a restaurant and eating my own way has it’s (albeit small) challenges.

First, we are rewarded with food – it’s kind of like a bonus (and is very generous, of course.) After each shift, we are entitled to a free meal from a limited menu which mostly includes foods I don’t eat a heck of lot of – mac and cheese, grilled cheese, wings, cheeseburgers, fries.

The ‘normal’ workers love this perk and get together excitedly to put in their orders. Each night, they look at me quizzically – why on earth don’t I want a free meal? (Fair question.)

A second challenge for me, if it’s still busy in the restaurant, the staff eats their meals on the fly, standing up and between taking tables.

I can’t eat like that and stay sane. (If you are a normal person, I’m sure you think my ‘rules’ are bizarre and annoying and not sane at all.)

I’m an addict of all kinds, and I have a mind obsessed with the relief I get from things like food (and alochol, etc.) If not careful, I will begin to see food as comfort and a reward, not sustenance, and I will start heading for trouble.

If I begin eating stuff out of the norm for me, I’ll (sooner or later) start getting obsessed with food and eating and when’s my next meal……..and I will be able to think of nothing else. Food will become something other than nourishment.

Staying within my boundaries allows me the freedom to live a full life, with ‘free’ being the important word here. Food once owned me. It doesn’t now. But that doesn’t mean it couldn’t again. I’ll always be an addict.

So when I’m asked if I want the free dessert, I still say no.

There is, however, another question I am asked over and over and over at the restaurant – how do I stay so enviably thin.

The answer, I honor my truth.