You Still Look Good for Your Age

These are just some thoughts, musings and updates:

Since I pondered on blog about the comment, “You look good for your age,” three people have told me just that. And that was what – two weeks ago? At this rate, I should hear it at least 54 more times before the end of the year.

Also, I wondered at what age does that comment start? When do you stop hearing – you look good and start hearing – you look good for your age?

Now, I’m curious – when do those comments stop? At 85, do you hear that you don’t look a day over 79? Hmm. I hope to live long enough to find out, I suppose.

Also, an update on Lisa, the new woman at work. Yes, she does eat often and she certainly makes ‘truck driver’ choices (hello sub sandwiches and disco fries!), but I have noticed that she nibbles and grazes. And always has tons to take home for her dinner. She probably doesn’t eat quite as much as I first anticipated. I still like her very much, which is a delight.

And finally, does anything beat a lazy day which includes reading beside your cat, napping with your cat, taking a bubble bath while your cat lounges in the sink…eating a nice dinner and going to bed early (with your cat cuddled up against you, of course)? I think not 🙂

The Truth About Lisa

Yesterday, I wrote about my new co-worker’s ravenous appetite, yet skinny physique. And yes, you read some envy from me, a woman who has dieted strenuously her entire life just to stay average.

I have to laugh at myself and my ridiculous reaction, as though Lisa is the luckiest woman in the world simply because she can eat a ton and not gain weight.

Lisa has been through so much physically, emotionally and financially. I won’t share it all here, as some of you may know her. She is deep in the midst of re-building her life, and approaches it all with such grace. Given her circumstances, I wouldn’t show up with her great attitude or courage, trust me.

The woman NEVER complains and is grateful for everything. Now THERE’S something I should aspire to – NOT the ability to consume banana splits without splitting my pants!

She clearly gets a lot of pleasure from delicious food. I’m glad – she deserves some joy!!!!

The New Girl and Food

The new woman at work is absolutely lovely, which is terrific as she sits next to me. I really like her; however, there is one thing that kind of irks me, and I’m very embarrassed about it, but will share.

Lisa eats all day. Like a truck driver. She’s always hungry and thoroughly enjoys her food, telling me often about her delicious fettucine al fredo and cheeseburgers and brownies, etc.. Every meal would satisfy a football player and ends with dessert. You get the picture.

Lisa is also exactly my size. “Do you exercise a lot,” I ask as she bites into her first donut. “Go to the gym often? Run?”. That could explain her generous appetite and lovely physique.

“Never a day in my life”, she responds, laughing. “I know I should, but I’m lazy. I like to sit on the couch and read”.

You know, perhaps I could understand if Lisa were 21, with the metabolism of a youngster. But no, my colleague is 49!!!!!

And wait – as she was leaving for the day, Lisa commented that she’s annoyed – she’s been losing weight and her pants are so loose that she’s got to spend the money to buy new ones?

After all these year, I’m truly surprised to find myself nearly as green as my dry romaine lettuce salad when staring at her deep dish pizza and mozzarella sticks. (And giant chocolate chip cookie, of course.)

But I’m not really. I like the way I eat. (and I do eat a lot more than lettuce!) It keeps me sane. If I ate like Lisa, I’d be purchasing double seats on airplanes – possibly the whole row. I’d be physically, mentally and spiritually miserable.

Besides, it’s just food. And nothing tastes as wonderfully perfect as freedom.

Sexy Feminism

My friend Helaine runs a highly successful business. She has a terrific marriage in which she and her husband, Greg, share EVERYTHING 50/50 – childcare, housework, cooking. They even trade-off who runs home to walk the dog each day. Helaine also happens to be one of the nicest, most generous people I know.

She does all this so well, and she does it all with her boobs hanging out. Helaine has fantastic cleavage and great legs and everyone knows it, because she shows most of them pretty much all the time.

I’m not sure exactly how I feel about strong women baring their bodies publicly. Yes, it annoys me that Madonna, Beyonce, Lady Gaga, Cher et. al perform half (3/4s!) naked while Jay-Z, Bruno Mars, Drake, Justin Timberlake, et. al perform fully clothed from head to toe.

Does it diminish the woman to be undressed? I say yes. Good Lord, I’ve seen more of Beyonce’s crotch than I see of my own most days. I don’t think that’s empowering in any way. She’s a singer. Sing.

As for Helaine…she’s happy, and confident and doing her own thing. So, good for her. I respect her and her choices. However, I suppose I prefer my women clothed.

Arming Teachers

Forgive me if you attended Clifton Public Schools and had a different experience; however, I was never too impressed with the teaching staff. Now that our government is suggesting arming our teachers, I’m a little disturbed. What on earth would Mrs Messing or Mrs Calvin have done with an uzi? Mrs. Gallagher, an extremely angry woman, surely would have welcomed the opportunity to pack heat, but nothing good could have come of that.

The furious teachers in my grammar school yelled so loudly and so often that my brother stuck pencil erasers in his ears to drown out the noise and was rushed to the emergency room. He was also so completely bored out of his mind that he transferred to private school, where he was thoroughly engaged and loved his education.

My sister transferred to private school for a better education. I ended up in private school because the teachers made me anxious and the kids bullied me.

When I returned to public school for high school, I almost never went (if you attended high school with me, you know I’m not kidding!) However, I was an honors student and graduated with great grades. And I’m not that smart (which I learned in college.)

Anyway, if our government does decide that the best way to keep our schools safe is to arm our teachers with assault rifles, please please, make an exception for Clifton.

You Look Good for Your Age!

Yesterday, I was (as usual) whining about menopause. (This time to my hairdresser.) But I added – what can I expect, I’m almost 54.

“NO”, she howled, looking astounded. “I would never have guessed you were out of your 40s. Wow, you look really good.”

Hmmmm. First of all, I do think I look my age, whatever that means, and I couldn’t care at all. If you guessed my age as 53, I’d be perfectly fine. Of course, what does 53 look like anyway? (And for that matter, what does it look like to still ‘be in your 40s’?)

At what age is it no longer a compliment to ‘look your age’? Certainly, everyone is happy with 18, right? And 21. I remember loving 23 – 26. I do, though, currently have a young friend who’s bummed about turning 27. 27!!!

I remember first lying about my age in my early 30s, when I wanted to date a 28 year old guy. I believe I shaved off a few years.

Not anymore – I’ll be 54 in June. It is what it is.

Going back to my hairdresser and her, “Wow, you look really good” Why does looking good equate with looking younger? How many times have we heard someone say, ‘she was a beauty when she was young’? Why can’t we be beauties at every age?

I’ve never been wowed by women who clearly try to look younger. I’m sorry Jane Fonda – to me, my grandmother was more beautiful at 80 than you are. (Just my personal taste. Every woman should do whatever the heck she wants. I just wish society was encouraging about loving our aging selves just as we are.)

So, when someone says – ‘WOW, you look great for your age’ – should we ask them to apologize? 🙂

IZ

The Age Gap; Dating

I have always assumed it’s easier for a man to age than a woman but don’t know if I’m right.

Certainly, in the world of dating, it sure looks cushier for the guys. How often do we see an older man with a younger woman? Take George Clooney. Before he married his wife, Amal, he dated a series of young starlet types. When he married Amal, everyone applauded his ‘finally age appropriate’ choice. However, Amal Clooney is still 17 YEARS YOUNGER than her husband. No one raised an eyebrow. Instead they praised him for skewing older!!!

Imagine, if a 50 year old actress dated men 20 plus years her junior (like George did pre-Amal.) COUGAR!!! I admit that I would assume it wouldn’t last. That the guy was just using her for her money and fame. Don’t we all know that no young guy wants a much older woman?!!

And yet, I assume that Amal married for love.

Donald Trump is 25 years older than his wife Melania. No problem. France’s president Emmanuel Macron is 25 years YOUNGER than his wife. It’s all you ever hear about when reading about them, particularly her. When she’s interviewed, she is asked over and over about the age gap. Does anyone ask Melania? No, in fact, most people assume she’s getting a little old for her husband’s tastes!

If you read my blog regularly, you may remember my conversation with my accountant who is exactly my age – turning 54 this year. When I looked at my taxes and joked that I need to find rich man, he said that I’d have to find a guy in his 70s, because all his rich single friends are looking for women in their 20s!!!!

I wonder why this is? Anyone have any ideas?

I would like to add that I have NO interest in a boy in his 20s or young man of 30; however, I don’t want to have to scout nursing homes for dates!

Age and the Male Gaze

When I was younger and lived in NYC, I loved to go to bars alone. I’d bring books and notebooks and read and write and people watch. Usually, I made friends with the bartenders and regulars. Often, I became a regular.

I actually preferred going alone to going with friends. I’d sit at the bar and strike up conversations if I felt like it and kept quiet if I didn’t.

I met a fair amount of men that way, including one guy who became my boyfriend for 4 years.

Sitting at bars as a single woman kind of helped my self-esteem, because I would get hit on a lot. Men always talked to me. Having spent so many years feeling fat and ugly, it boosted my ego that anyone noticed me.

Fast forward 15 to 20 years. Last month, I got take-out at a restaurant. While waiting for my order, I sat at the bar, which was filled with guys of all ages, sitting alone.

Each looked up as I sat down. Not one looked again, let alone spoke to me. It was busy and my order took a while, so I looked around for someone to talk to, but no one looked back at me.

It hit me that nothing has changed. Nothing, but my age. I have NEVER sat at a bar without someone engaging me. Wow, I really am in my mid-50s!!!!!

Does it bother me? I am pausing. Mostly, I’ll say no. I love to sit and daydream. No one at the bar actually looked too interesting to me. AND, I am 54 – an age where heads don’t turn like they used to. It’s kind of comfortable and relaxing and pressure-free.

Still, it was fun, back in the day, to go out and flirt. You never knew who you might meet or talk to or have fun with. Each night felt like a new adventure. And that boyfriend of 4 years was a great guy who helped me through a very tough time.

Yet, here I am — older, wiser, way more stable and settled and – just fine. What did I do that night at restaurant? I made friends with the bartender, a great woman who was really an actress. I went to her play the following week – it was so good and so much fun. She’s smart and funny and reads a lot. I have been dying to make new friends.

So, I guess I did have an adventure afterall!

Tired

Is anyone else tired? I’ve had long days, sinus headaches, bad sleep and hot flashes.

Would anyone else like to just take a break? Could we crawl under the covers until winter is over (don’t get me started on not having power for a week!)

And yet I know so many people with soooo much energy. Many of the folks I work with come in at 3 am and work ceaselessly for at least 12 hours. And they’re fine! How do people function day after day after day with four hours of sleep? They all have families and lives….and they’re cheerful!!!!!!!!

Not me, I’m ready for a nap as I write this. And I’m NEVER cheerful on not enough sleep. I could, however, star in any number of zombie movies.

(I know my sister is reading this and is mouthing “exercise, Mel, exercise”.)

Is there else out there, even someone who eats well, exercises, loves their families and friends and still….feels hopelessly tired?

Going Home

It’s been a week without power at home. It’s been a week of (not)sleeping on my friends couch. My displaced kitty not eating and mewling for the first few days. Living out of a suitcase and trying not to take up space. Eating weirdly for me. Showering when convenient for my friends.

I will miss them.