Yesterday, a newer friend was telling me she loves the upcoming holidays – decorating, gifting, family, friends, traditions and of course, cooking and baking!!! She can’t wait – she’s even buying new pots and serving platters and trying exciting new recipes this year.
Then she asked me about my holidays and traditions and plans.
I took a deep breathe. I don’t want to horrify nice normal people but I don’t like Thanksgiving and Christmas. I used to dread them. Now, I just ignore them, as best I can.
Food, food, food, food, food. Cooking and baking and eating and leftovers. Never fun for me.
I don’t have any fond memories of the big food Holidays. My memories exclusively involve starving all day, bingeing all evening, and puking through the night. Lots and lots of self-hatred and misery.
I could not ever ever stay present with conversation or loved ones. My sole focus stayed on the food. I prayed for the day to be over.
These days, I don’t mind wherever I happen to find myself. If I’m with friends, I eat what works for me. I am present and able to enjoy the company. And of course, I truly appreciate that others love this time AND that they include me in their joy.
BUT I don’t in the least look forward to it and like I said, I certainly have no nice memories of Christmas past.
I do like birthdays tho, mine and other people’s – I’m not a complete curmudgeon!!!!